The Woman Behind The Man

Am I the only one worried about Melania Trump?

I get it; she is distant, formal, and married to probably the single most polarizing figure in politics today.  And she has made cyber bullying her mission, as First Lady of the U.S.  Which is hugely ironic.  I don't have to explain why, right?
(If you don't know what I'm talking about, just google "Donald Trump twitter attack" and see what comes up...)

Melania giving her anti-bullying speech at the U N. this week

So, naturally everyone on the internet comes out laughing and angry against her.  Because the husband of one of the most blatant twitter trolls and basically rose to prominence despite picking on women, Latinos, Mexicans, Muslims, Jews, the disabled, and other groups that don't instantly spring to mind.  And because she's a pretty easy target; she doesn't seem to fight back and always seems out of place, like she never should have left her tower...like a princess that didn't really want to be rescued.

But, really, is it her we're mad at?  No.  Of course not.  She buys and wears expensive, inappropriate clothes and says tone-deaf, plagiarized things.  But none of that is really her fault when you think about it.  She did what a lot of women in difficult situations do; she used what she had to get where she wanted to go.  Growing up in Slovenia, becoming a (some would argue mediocre) model, working to get to the next level, and then dating and finally marrying Donald Trump; from the perspective of a person using their appearance to lock down a nice life for themselves, none of this is surprising.  In the scope of gold-digging, she hit the jack pot.  And I say that with no intended denigration; it is so not my place to judge her choices or compromises.  I've made my compromises, we all have, she picked the path that made the most sense to her, and given the path she was on, I'd give her kudos for being supremely successful.  Because there was no way she could have seen this whole presidential train wreck coming; no one else saw it coming!

cute couple... :/

So imagine this woman makes her plan, meets, dates, and is deciding whether to marry Donald Trump.  And she figures, he's got a certain number of years left, he'll guarantee me a certain kind of life; we'll have a child and I can generally predict what the rest of my life will look like.  Sure, Donald's ex-wife accused him of physical abuse and rape, but maybe she didn't know, or maybe se figured that was part of the deal.

Then he started down this crazy road and all of the sudden she is thrust into the political spotlight; her husband, who I think we can agree is not the most level headed or stable fella, is under new stress all the time, maybe he's becoming more irrational.  Melania's safe bet has totally changed, the ground moved beneath her feet.  And, if I were her, I might feel like there is nothing I can do about it.

Because what would you do if your somewhat domineering, controlling, bull of a husband became president.  What if he was a little abusive, but no one seemed to care when the facts came out.  What if he was more than a little abusive, but you felt like you needed the security of his money and power to give your son a good life?

Everyone who says they would leave anyway, but can provide no evidence of making such a hard decision in the mast must now exit the discussion.  Because those situations are DIFFICULT.  Hard.  It is hard to leave a marriage in the best conditions.  It is harder when there are threats of retaliation in the air, or a history of retaliatory behavior (duh), or when there's a lot of money, pride, and fame at stake.

Inauguration Day, and the RBF heard 'round the world.

So maybe, just maybe, Melania is another woman in a situation she doesn't want to be in, but feels like she can't do anything about it.  Maybe she just wants to go back to Trump tower and read magazines and watch Real Housewives, but feels like the entire world is watching her (because we are... watching and judging).  Maybe she knows her husband is an ass, but never thought she'd be forced to defend his every move on a global stage, or give speeches in your fifth or sixth language to world leaders, and doesn't see a way out of it.  Maybe, just maybe, this ridiculously tone-deaf campaign against cyber bullying is her way of saying, "I know he's terrible, but I have to sleep with him.  Someone else needs to stop him."  Maybe it's her cry for help, because look at the way this man is in public, how do you think he behaves in private?  Because all she did was marry him, we're the ones who voted him into the highest office in the land.

So every time the media and twitter and everyone laughs or gets mad at Melania Trump, I can't help but step back and wonder, what is this poor woman's trying to say?  She doesn't seem stupid to me, she seems savvy, if not a little out of touch.  She seems, to me, like someone balancing on the edge of a knife.  So I'll laugh at her husband's missteps, but I'm going to leave her out of it, because unlike most of that family, I don't think she wants any part of this whole fractured spotlight.  I think she just wants to go home.