Kiss Off

 Of all the people who have left me

of all the people who stopped loving me

of all the people who I succeed in pushing away, 

scaring away

running away from

Of all the people who decided I was too much

too loud, too wild, too obnoxious, too much

You are the biggest surprise.

I never thought you would leave me, not completely.

I should have known, you've let me go so any times, picked so many other lives over me 

But somehow I thought you would always love me in the end for the you in me

the loud, the wild, the obnoxious, the too much came from you 

and now you use it against me

like feeding me poison and then punishing me for my illness.  

but in a way it's perfect, because if not even you can love me, then I can connect all of the dots, and see clearly that I was built for this life of loss by you

slowly, over the years, each little chip and fracture adds up to make me who I am, 

Imperfect in every possible way, 

yet a perfect reflection of you.

And now, because you don't want to speak to me anymore, you'll never have to look at that perfect reflection

and see who you are, what you have wrought, what your choices look like in the psyche of your child.

Actually, it all makes perfect sense.