We're having something of a moment of reckoning right now; people are coming forward in droves, telling the stories of their sexual harassment, sexual misconduct, and sexual assault. And they are actually (sometimes) being believed! And the accused are actually (sometimes) admitting their wrongdoing, and ever apologizing! And even (sometimes) facing consequences!
It feels like a scary, shifting zeitgeist moment of cultural awakening and accountability. And it also sometimes feels like it is spiraling out of control. Someone posted somewhere on social media that in 2016, every time a celebrity's name was trending, we had to worry they were dead, but in 2017 a trending celebrity name likely implies new allegations of sexual misconduct. And that feels pretty true.
So where will this roller coaster of accusations and accountability stop? Hard to say, but I am reminded of the once great 'Your Fav is Problematic'. For the uninitiated, it basically spent time pointing out how every beloved cultural icon and celebrity had done or said something shitty to some marginalized group at some time. Everything you love, it boasted, is problematic. I loved that, because it was true, and it's good (and challenging) to face our own biases and shortcomings. But it is a bummer to find out how flawed everyone is.
THIS IS THE SAME THING.
By which I mean that if we keep searching for guilt, we will end up pointing fingers at everyone to some degree or another, because we are all complicit. You will probably have to face the fact that your fav actor/writer/business owner did something fucked up to someone else because they could. Because that's how power dynamics and misogyny and toxic masculinity work. That's how rape culture works, and we are all complicit in some way because we are all part of this system. Even those of us fighting to dismantle the cis-normative, white supremacist, hetro-normative, capitalist abelist patriarchy were at some time not completely sure of ourselves and made some mistakes. Because that's what being young is, especially in this culture. Any time you told your friends you really didn't want to talk about rape culture at a party, you helped keep it in place. We all did.
I know I have made mistakes. I've been a bad ally to other women, to other victims. I've held on to a bunch of internalized misogyny that was harmful in was I am certain I don't fully understand. And I have made moral compromises to save myself. I am part of this system, and when I wasn't fighting it, it was in me, working to maintain its self like the virus that it is.
So. Where do we go from here? Forward, of course!!
We are all to blame in some way, which means we can stop being outraged. We do not need to stop holding people accountable, but if there is anything the #metoo campaign taught us, it is that this was happening all the time, to everyone, everywhere. So, to some degree we were all involved.**
So let's hold people accountable. Let's change the way we view power and sexuality and sexual violence. Let's make sure that there is diversity at every level of everything, so that diverse perspectives view these problems at every level. Let's make sure there are consequences, and let's work to hear and believe victims, and take actions against perpetrators. Let's appreciate those who come forward with honest and forthright recognition of what they have done, and hold to the highest level of accountability those who try to pass their shit off or blame someone else. Let's change fucking power dynamic and the fucking culture. Let's finally get together to dismantle this shit.
**I do not mean to imply that victims are to blame for their assault/harassment etc. I mean only to imply that as a society we are all complicit in some small way. No victim is ever to blame for being assaulted. If I walk down the street with a $20 bill hanging out of my pocket, the decent person will tell me, not just take it. There is NEVER an excuse to commit harassment or assault, sexual or otherwise. I'm just trying to articulate the larger way in which society systemically creates space for these crimes and violations to occur.
