There's this feeling that arises when one is on the brink of a major life shift; a feeling of urgency colored with anticipation. Like I want everything to happen all at once, so that I can be in the middle of it already, but the magnitude of the change makes me hope I can delay any real change indefinitely.
In this case, this change can neither be rushed nor delayed; I have it on good authority that a health pregnancy takes about 40 weeks, and there's no way around that.
The challenge, then, becomes filling the time remaining with productive and precious experiences. There are two ravenous horses pulling the cart that is my life; one clomps ahead, urging me to work, pack, write, read, prepare, prepare, prepare. The other matches the first's pace, instead insisting I savor, that time is dwindling, that things will never be the same again. Never again! And they are both right, and they both send me straight to Netflix to engage in practiced avoidance while I re-watch episodes of Jessica Jones and 30 Rock over and over.
Realistically, none of this is really that new. There are always events that seem larger than life, too big to focus on something as mundane as a literature review. And so I keep scheduling time to sit in front of my trusty laptop, waiting for the motivation to come...inching closer to actually completing work. Today, instead of Netflix, I started writing something! That's better than nothing!
The other thing I keep thinking of is something I like to call event-hangover. I get it all the time; birthdays, weddings, vacations, dinner parties. Planning for a big thing, something you are excited about, can take up so much energy and lead to so much anticipation, it can be hard to stay afloat in the quick recession to normalcy that follows. I am sure some of that will still pop up, but the reality of this life event is that now it is forever. I am going to be a mom forever, Bruce is going to be a dad forever, to my baby, to our baby, we are going to be a family, bound to each other, in a new city, on a new joined adventure.
So, there's that.