#MomLife

10:45 pm  Baby is crying.  Bring water, pacifier.  Snuggle him back to sleep, then stumble back to bed
12:45 am  repeat
1:55 am  repeat
3:50 am  Baby is crying.  Approach with water and search for pacifier blindly only to find pacifier is sitting in pool of chunky vomit.  Wipe hand on own pajamas, and reach for child, who is only damp with vomit.  Move child to clean, dry area.  Replace his pajamas, wipe vomit off of face, hair, and hands.  Give child cup of water to occupy himself.  Remove bed sheets, mop up vomit, throw offending items in a pile in the bathroom.  Lay a clean rag over the stain because you are too lazy to put clean sheets on the bed when there is only one more hour of sleep to look forward to anyway.  Bring child, sippy cup of water, favorite stuffed animal, and favorite blanket into bed with you and sleeping, snoring partner.
4:15 - 4:50 am  Baby rolls around in the bed, pretending to be sleepy while poking and kicking.
4:51 am Baby sits up to drink water
4:52 am Baby begins to throw up water.  Grab still-vomiting baby and try unsuccessfully to catch vomit in your hands, pajamas, anything but beloved stuffed animal or bed sheets.  Carry gathered bed clothes, pajamas, and vomit-y baby back into baby's room, wipe up vomit, change pajamas.  Sleepy partner puts clean sheets on mostly clean crib.  Snuggle now clean baby back to sleep, tuck in, close door.  Change out of own vomit-covered pajamas into new pajamas.
5:20 am Baby is asleep, you are awake but already behind schedule.  Make coffee, prepare alternate baby breakfast of simple oatmeal in anticipation of further tummy trouble.  Shower, and dress in robe.
6:15 am  Baby is crying.  Again.  The room smells like poop.  Baby is damp and smells like poop.  I lay baby down, then think better of it and grab a baby blanket to lay baby on.  Begin process of pulling wet, shit covered pajama pants off of resistant baby.  Baby cries more as I wipe feet, thighs, and mop poop into a pile.  I grab another towel upon which to lay the shit soaked pajama pants, nearly useless diaper and growing pile of wipes.  Being stripping poop soaked pajama shirt off of baby, trying to keep poop out of face and hair.  Realize poop traveled up back and into armpits, and begin mopping up poo.
Baby is clean, dry, and crying.  Dress him in optimistically chosen day care outfit, substituting sweat pants for shorts after imagining next wave of vomit or diarrhea streaming down bear baby legs.  Groggy partner takes baby to our bed to snuggle, possibly sleep.  Change crib sheets, begin washing large chunks of vomit and poop out of collected laundry, and start a washing machine load with lots of detergent and bleach.  Wash hands, thoroughly.  Smell robe for poop and add to laundry pile.
6:45 am  Baby is quiet.  Partner is quiet.  Pour coffee into cup, sit down at desk and begin answering work emails.  Text daycare back ups for availability. 
7:30 am  Baby is up, but not crying!  Timidly offer baby special breakfast of oatmeal and blueberries.  Baby eats four bites and then insists on more exotic fare.  Feed baby whatever he wants.  Bemoan options with partner; is he too sick for daycare or not?  Baby's temperature is take multiple ways for accuracy.  Nothing is learned.  Partner agrees to stay home with baby, I agree to come home early.  Day care rejoices.  Move laundry from washer to dryer.
8:30 am Finally dress for work.  Baby is crying, partner puts him down for a nap.  He cries, demonstrating a strong will, and then falls asleep.  Apply make up, arrange hair in what I assume is the style of a person who slept more than I did.
8:55 am Reheat leftover fast food burrito and eat it for breakfast while standing in the kitchen, debating making another cup of coffee.  Remind self to feel lucky for a schedule that allows for such a leisurely morning.  Remind self to be grateful for blessed child, despite his inability to keep partially digested food in his body.  Remind self to be grateful for leftover burrito, which is better than the granola bar under the front seat of the car.

9:08 am Leave for work, late.  Arrive at work, find decent parking space magically available.

Spend the rest of the day wondering if I missed a spot of vomit or poop, still somewhere on my body.  Or maybe in my hair?